Weblog - Surf Nation - Times Online November 20, 2006
Crowded line ups - spongers take the flak
Andy Cox has a novel solution to the problem of crowded line ups
There is nothing quite like the approach of Christmas – supposedly the season of peace and goodwill to all men – to bring out the curmudgeon in me. The annual slide into depression gathered pace when my wife informed me that my presence was required for an all-day shopping expedition to stock up for the festivities. My misery was made complete when Saturday morning, the scheduled date for my day in purgatory, dawned with the first decent surf in weeks. Desperate times call for desperate remedies: was it me that my wife wanted to drag around the shops, or my credit card? A disconcertingly short period of time later, my beloved wheel span her way out of the drive. I scraped the mould off my wettie and headed for the beach.
I picked up a friend en route. Steve is a class act. He surfs with precision and style, always in the pocket, no wasted effort and absolutely no thrashing about. He is also one of the more mellow blokes I know, slow to anger and with a genuinely sunny disposition. Just the company I needed to restore my sense of humour.
We paddled out and almost immediately I knew there was trouble ahead. The line up was packed, strung out like blown confetti two days after the wedding, and just as appealing. A gaggle of spongers were grouped together, looking as innocent as highwaymen freshly returned from a night’s sport on the M5. A head-high wave loomed and I dropped down the face and bottom turned, only to find an esky lid dropping in on me. I straightened out and stared at the culprit who surfaced only feet from me, the section of the wave having closed out. There was no apology, no expression of remorse; in fact, there was no gesture at all. I paddled back to Steve who smiled comradely sympathy at me.
The next set rolled in. Steve eased in to the first one, as ever, in prime position. Another boogie boarder dropped in on him. He paddled back out, his smile betraying the first hint of strain. After a lengthy lull, he found another small one. Quick take-off, sharp bottom turn and an arc of spray suggested he was finding his rhythm. Then I heard him shout. Dropped in on again.
The miscreant flapped over to his comrades-in-foam but Steve did not flinch. He paddled over to him and, in a voice that shook the windows in the Bishop lighthouse enquired, not unreasonably: “Am I f****** invisible?” No answer. Nothing but a blank stare of indifference, replete with ignorance of surfing etiquette. We decided to call it a day. There was no point trying to cope with the spongers anymore. We cut a dejected pair as we trudged back up the beach, and to console ourselves made our way to the nearest pub. Two pints of its finest brew later and things began to look a little brighter. Steve is a reasonable man, so I asked his opinion: “What’s to be done?”
Steve took another long pull of his drink. Perhaps, somewhere in the midst of his pint, he found the answer - or maybe it was something he had known all along - but either way, he was clearly experiencing an epiphany. His furrowed brows loosened up, his nostrils flared rather ominously, his eyes sparkled with clarity. His face cleared. And then he said it.
“Shoot them all.”
It was stated so simply, so unequivocally, that his conclusion brooked no argument. But worse was to follow: “And while you’re at it, round up those goat-boats and surf-canoes.”
This was nothing less than a call to arms, albeit sotto voce. Steve was proposing a cull on a massive scale, a complete clearing out of the line up. Temptation raised its head. Surf left to surfers: I could live with that.
“Would never happen,” I offered after several moments’ reflection.
“Suppose you’re right. But just think if it could.”
The thought stayed with me as I journeyed home. It has stayed with me since. It sustained me when my wife returned with a credit card that had seen more action than the Foreign Legion. It kept me going when I heard Slade’s “Merry Christmas Everybody” during the first week of November. It brought me some semblance of peace when I realised I would have to endure Noddy’s blight on the music world for a further two months, and it even inspired mild feelings of hope when I saw Santa doubling up as a petrol attendant.
Surf left to surfers. Now there’s a thought.
And here's a vision of what it would be like - (C) Tony Plant. See http://www.surftwisted.com/. Other photographs courtesy of http://www.flickr.com/
Posted by Alex Wade on November 20, 2006 at 10:03 AM in Weblogs Permalink
Comments
I feel your pain, surf etiquette should be a compulsory lesson before people are allowed to enter the water! It isn't difficult to show a little awareness and respect.
Posted by: Charlotte November 20, 2006 at 11:25 PM
If you paddle out at most places and go straight to the peak and take off on a set wave then odds on you're going to get dropped in on, gut slider or not. The boogers were probably complaining about the 'arrogant surfers' thinking they own the joint. Try paddling out at Bundoran, Raglan, Pipe, Hossegor, Macaronis, anywhere really and jump to the front of the queue... See what the response is. It'll be alot worse than a drop in.Surf etiquette is more than drop ins and snaking, its also that British preserve- the queue...
Posted by: Sharpy November 21, 2006 at 12:19 PM
I'll provide the guns...
Posted by: alf alderson November 22, 2006 at 05:46 PM
you complain about crowded line-ups yet want to promote surfing in mainstream media? if people want to get into surfing they can find out about it themselves, it doesn't need advertising
Posted by: oli November 22, 2006 at 06:18 PM
hostName = '.typepad.com';
Crowded line ups - spongers take the flak
Andy Cox has a novel solution to the problem of crowded line ups
There is nothing quite like the approach of Christmas – supposedly the season of peace and goodwill to all men – to bring out the curmudgeon in me. The annual slide into depression gathered pace when my wife informed me that my presence was required for an all-day shopping expedition to stock up for the festivities. My misery was made complete when Saturday morning, the scheduled date for my day in purgatory, dawned with the first decent surf in weeks. Desperate times call for desperate remedies: was it me that my wife wanted to drag around the shops, or my credit card? A disconcertingly short period of time later, my beloved wheel span her way out of the drive. I scraped the mould off my wettie and headed for the beach.
I picked up a friend en route. Steve is a class act. He surfs with precision and style, always in the pocket, no wasted effort and absolutely no thrashing about. He is also one of the more mellow blokes I know, slow to anger and with a genuinely sunny disposition. Just the company I needed to restore my sense of humour.
We paddled out and almost immediately I knew there was trouble ahead. The line up was packed, strung out like blown confetti two days after the wedding, and just as appealing. A gaggle of spongers were grouped together, looking as innocent as highwaymen freshly returned from a night’s sport on the M5. A head-high wave loomed and I dropped down the face and bottom turned, only to find an esky lid dropping in on me. I straightened out and stared at the culprit who surfaced only feet from me, the section of the wave having closed out. There was no apology, no expression of remorse; in fact, there was no gesture at all. I paddled back to Steve who smiled comradely sympathy at me.
The next set rolled in. Steve eased in to the first one, as ever, in prime position. Another boogie boarder dropped in on him. He paddled back out, his smile betraying the first hint of strain. After a lengthy lull, he found another small one. Quick take-off, sharp bottom turn and an arc of spray suggested he was finding his rhythm. Then I heard him shout. Dropped in on again.
The miscreant flapped over to his comrades-in-foam but Steve did not flinch. He paddled over to him and, in a voice that shook the windows in the Bishop lighthouse enquired, not unreasonably: “Am I f****** invisible?” No answer. Nothing but a blank stare of indifference, replete with ignorance of surfing etiquette. We decided to call it a day. There was no point trying to cope with the spongers anymore. We cut a dejected pair as we trudged back up the beach, and to console ourselves made our way to the nearest pub. Two pints of its finest brew later and things began to look a little brighter. Steve is a reasonable man, so I asked his opinion: “What’s to be done?”
Steve took another long pull of his drink. Perhaps, somewhere in the midst of his pint, he found the answer - or maybe it was something he had known all along - but either way, he was clearly experiencing an epiphany. His furrowed brows loosened up, his nostrils flared rather ominously, his eyes sparkled with clarity. His face cleared. And then he said it.
“Shoot them all.”
It was stated so simply, so unequivocally, that his conclusion brooked no argument. But worse was to follow: “And while you’re at it, round up those goat-boats and surf-canoes.”
This was nothing less than a call to arms, albeit sotto voce. Steve was proposing a cull on a massive scale, a complete clearing out of the line up. Temptation raised its head. Surf left to surfers: I could live with that.
“Would never happen,” I offered after several moments’ reflection.
“Suppose you’re right. But just think if it could.”
The thought stayed with me as I journeyed home. It has stayed with me since. It sustained me when my wife returned with a credit card that had seen more action than the Foreign Legion. It kept me going when I heard Slade’s “Merry Christmas Everybody” during the first week of November. It brought me some semblance of peace when I realised I would have to endure Noddy’s blight on the music world for a further two months, and it even inspired mild feelings of hope when I saw Santa doubling up as a petrol attendant.
Surf left to surfers. Now there’s a thought.
And here's a vision of what it would be like - (C) Tony Plant. See http://www.surftwisted.com/. Other photographs courtesy of http://www.flickr.com/
Posted by Alex Wade on November 20, 2006 at 10:03 AM in Weblogs Permalink
Comments
I feel your pain, surf etiquette should be a compulsory lesson before people are allowed to enter the water! It isn't difficult to show a little awareness and respect.
Posted by: Charlotte November 20, 2006 at 11:25 PM
If you paddle out at most places and go straight to the peak and take off on a set wave then odds on you're going to get dropped in on, gut slider or not. The boogers were probably complaining about the 'arrogant surfers' thinking they own the joint. Try paddling out at Bundoran, Raglan, Pipe, Hossegor, Macaronis, anywhere really and jump to the front of the queue... See what the response is. It'll be alot worse than a drop in.Surf etiquette is more than drop ins and snaking, its also that British preserve- the queue...
Posted by: Sharpy November 21, 2006 at 12:19 PM
I'll provide the guns...
Posted by: alf alderson November 22, 2006 at 05:46 PM
you complain about crowded line-ups yet want to promote surfing in mainstream media? if people want to get into surfing they can find out about it themselves, it doesn't need advertising
Posted by: oli November 22, 2006 at 06:18 PM
hostName = '.typepad.com';
posted by Andy at 11:39 AM
1 Comments:
Quick IQ type test for your "shot all spongers" friend.
1. If you were the warden on your beach and you learned that bodyboards were disproportionally involved in more surf accidents than any other surf thing, would you:
(a) ban bodyboards and confiscate the bodyboard of anyone caught in the water with one
(b) arrest the people responsible for those accidents?
2. Which course of action in Question 1 do you think would:
(a) inconvenience the fewest number of people?
(b) be the more efficient use of taxpayer money?
(c) be more effective in preventing future accidents involving Bodyboards?
3. If your answer to Question 1 was (a) -- ban bodyboards -- and you then learned that, by a statistical quirk, drivers of confiscated Toyotas were now perpetrating further accidents by using, say, skimboards, would you then ban skimboards? If not, why not?
4. If your answer to Question 3 was, "Ban skimboards, too, dammit, something HAS to be done," then would you propose a ban on ALL surfing equipment, reasoning that all these things are inloved in dangerous sports (lets not forget all these sports are commonly seen as quite "extream" and "dangerous", and there are quite a few people who will use this to call for a ban on all boardsports)? If not, why not? If so, how would you deal with other "landboards"
5. Are you beginning to understand that:
(a) because xyzboard is loosely defined, "board" cannot be defined in a meaningful way, (ie if you ban bodyboards, what to stop someone from simple saying its a miniture surfboard. and what about the people who stand-surf on bodyboards {in many places were people are not so well of its quite common} will they be considered bodyboarders or surfers, same thing with people who bellysurf with surfboards"?
(b) that miscreants get bodyboards, boggie boards, drop kneeboards, skimboards, spongeboards, surfboards, maccyD boards -- that is, whichever board is handy -- as and dont bother to learn the safty rules of surfing
(c) that law enforcement authorities could waste inordinate amounts of time (and, therefore, taxpayer money) policing a xyzboard ban, adding to their jobs a task perhaps even more meaningless than enforcing jaywalking laws?
(d) that the people most likely affected by a xyzboard ban -- that is, those inconvenienced, harrassed and likely to suffer damage -- are the % majority of responsibe xyzboarders?
(e) most important, that xyzboard bans do ESSENTIALLY NOTHING to address the real problem: The inconsiderate twats on the boards?
Key: If your answer to any part of Question 5 is "no," I'm afraid you have flunked. Please go back and reconsider your responses.
Hint: The answer to the question, "What shall we do about the people who dropped in on your firned?" is not: Ban bodyboarders. Real answer: If your on our board and you break a surf rule and you end up hurting or even killing someone, you -- not the board -- should be responsible. Tell your board manufacers to put basic safty rules on all there boards or the pakaging, and beachwarden to put safty rules on notices, and insist that beach wardens enforce those rules and penalize those who break them.
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